Sometimes things just work out

So I have not been to worried about the fact I am homeless come Sunday night.  And I cannot explain why I am not worried.  Maybe it is because I have other places to go.  I think it is mostly because, unencumbered by “stuff” I can go wherever the wind blows.  This is truly the most liberating feeling in the world.  So much freedom.  I can do where I want when I want and stay where I want.  Its amazing.

This also allows me to wait for the best opportunity, where I really feel as if the universe is offering me exactly what I need, instead of taking the first thing that comes along afraid of “securing” something.  In fact, many of the choices I have made in the past are to be “secure” or to get something before someone else does and constantly looking for something better that I missed out on because I chose to be secure. Being able to choose what I want and waiting for opportunities is really allowing me to listen to the world or god or universe or intuition or myself.  Whatever it is, I am listening to it.  I am learning who I am and about the world and people around me like I have not been able to before.  It really is amazing.

And I have not even left yet!

This afternoon the Universe told me where I will be staying, for part of the time at least, after Saturday.  I had given up on the apartment search temporarily and was thinking I would have to couch surf around friends hoping not to bug one friend too much.  Only, a lot of my friends live 45 minutes to an hour or more from downtown Orlando, where I work.  I have done that commute before, but it is a beast.  So I texted my friend M that I would like to take her up on an offer to stay at her place.  She told me she had just talked to a girlfriend of one of her clients who works half the time in Florida and half the time out of state.  She has a really nice loft apartment about 5 miles from where I work.  Perfect location because I can bike to work, most of the way on a bike path.  I just need to find a bike. When she is in state I have other people who I can stay with, including M. All possible because I am sans “stuff.”

I am meeting the boyfriend today to check out the apartment and can be in there before Sunday if we agree!  Amazing how things just work out sometimes.  Paulo Coelho says the Universe conspires to help those chasing their dreams.  I think it might possibly be that if you truly listen to the Universe it is always there to offer you nurturing and solutions.  It is the beginning and end of us, it is us.  Its existence is our existence.  So people – listen!

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Selling My Fantasy Selves

My Picnic in the Park Fantasy - SOLD

I keep having unexpected reactions to selling my things.  It seems that I want to burst out in tears every time I put that over produced TJ max merchandise into a box to sell or when I put a sweater I have not worn in years in a donate pile.  I was not expecting such a reaction.  I keep thinking, wow to get all this stuff back I will have to spend so much money.  Who said I was getting this stuff back.  Me apparently.

Also, I have this dream in my head of being this Martha Stuart homemaker throwing dinner parties and entertaining and having a lot of people over.  Sounds good until you factor in my 400 foot living space.  I love to cook, but do not get to do it often when factoring in cooking new recipes is often expensive for one person and I hardly have time to breathe lately.  I also have a scrapbook set and a sewing set and lots of home decor.  I realized I bought all this stuff because there was this fantasy me who I was catering to.  This fantasy does not live in the real world of all work and no play to pay off for all of this stuff for my fantasy self.

To be fair, I did not realize this myself.  I read it off another persons blog who I was linked from another persons blog.  I cannot remember the original blog I was directed from, but the blog post that taught me about my fantasy self is from Miss Minimalist.  The post was smartly titled Declutter Your Fantasy Self. I realized that is so me.

So as I have been packing away my 28 years of stuff and trying to determine what I should keep or sell or donate, the keep pile has been somehow kept very small.  I am not going to let a fantasy self keep me from living a real fantasy.  If affording to sit around cooking all day means I do it house sitting in some stranger’s house on disposal aluminum pans, I can do it.  Or, maybe it means working at a bakery or restaurant.  Either way, I cannot LIVE my actual fantasy life if I keep feeding the fantasy me.  Or I should say the hundreds of fantasy mes.  I love to do so many things, it is hard to keep track of them.  I like trying everything once and I like to really get into something and then I normally quit it and get into something else.

But, it has been a very emotional roller coaster today.  I cried over an umbrella, and three cutting boards.  Yes, I have three cutting boards.  I also have a problem with getting rid of gifts people have given me.  All that thought into it, which is why I actually have 5 cutting boards, no joke.

I sold my first item today.  An unused wine and cheese picnic basket my mother bought me because I like wine.  Where am I allowed to bring an open bottle of wine?  If someone could tell me maybe I could use it once before selling it.

Either way, I am sitting here giving into one of my day dreams of having a nice wine and cheese picnic in the park next to my apartment complex.  It is warm and sunny and there are kids feeding the cute baby ducks.  My dog is lying next to me on a blanket while a very attractive man is serving me cheese and pouring me another glass of wine.  I mean, it’s almost Valentines Day right, I can give into some day dreaming.  As long as I let go of the bag when its time no harm no foul, right???