Final Good-Byes pt 1

Rough Beginnings

It has been a crazy weekend full of emotions, food, and of course some drama.  It started out with a bang, or a fire.  less than 5 minutes after leaving Kathy’s, red in the face and in tears, of course, I realized my car was burning oil.  Not little wisps of smoke, but billows of black smoke were leaving my tail pipe.  I pulled over to the closest parking lot and amazingly enough there was Valvoline Express Care (I do not see an entry on Google Maps but it is behind Advance Auto Parts – I think – in the Win Dixie Plaza). Thank you fate!

I pulled in hoping they could just make the car work enough to get me to the closest shop, and provide a referral for a shop, but when I got out of the car, they immediately saw how upset I was.  I explained, through choked sobs, that I had just said good-bye to my best friends and, yes, all of those bags are because I am leaving.  They kindly calmed me down and told me they would take a look.  And wonders of wonders it was just a part of the fuel pressure sensor that needed to be replaced.  A $20 dollar replacement, plus since I opted to get an oil change also (I was going to get one the next day any ways) no labor fee.  Thank you again fate.

So, I did get on my way and right when I got to I-4, the sky just opened up to a full flow down pour.  Of course, this means that people drive like even bigger idiots and there were around 10 accidents on the way back to Altamonte Springs.  So much for making one last happy hour yoga.  I finally got here and immediately had to get ready to go out.

Something about it reminds me of a part of Paulo Coelho’s book The Valkyries.  When they were out trying to see their guardian angels at night in the desert, their guide forgot the flashlights.  While the guide goes to retrieve the flash lights, he takes his time and Paulo is getting annoyed.  When the guide comes back he explains that when he forgets something or something takes him out of his way or takes extra time, he knows that it is his guardian angel helping keep him safe by changing his path.  I am going to think my car problems in this light and be thankful I am safe.

Girls Night Out

First up, Jazz Tastings in Maitland.  Jazz Tastings is a Jazz bar that serves a limited amount of wine, small plates, and has live jazz.  There were about 10 tables and a small 10 seat bar.  The only problem, reservations had been sold out for three weeks.  My fail everyone. What I gathered for the small amount of time i was there is that it is an okay place.  The sound was ok, the band was great, the wine was ok, the ambiance was good, but there is no room to just stand around and wait to see if a table opens up.  There is no room to dance, even sitting was cramped.  It is a great concept that the area has a great demand for, but it is not that comfortable and does offer the options that famous smaller jazz clubs, such as the Blue Note, offer. The chairs are plush and huge, I think if they got smaller chairs, or instead of a set up for tables of four, offered more social seating or just had a bigger space, it would be a great concept.  If, as a single person, I have to get there at 7:00 or 7:30 to get a bar spot for a set that starts at 8:00, but really starts closer to 7:30, and I do not even have a full menu to keep me entertained there is not a lot to get me to come back.

Final Stop

After having just an ok glass of Pinot Grigio, we decided to leave to the second stop for the night early.  We got to Tilted Kilts in Lake Mary an hour or two early.  Craig Thompson from the local band In Transit was playing that night and UFC was on the TVs.  It was not very crowded but there was a large group of people in front of Craig for a while, so we enjoyed conversation and some good food.  I had fish tacos and their home-made potato chips.  both were yummy.  Had a couple Sam Adams Summer Ales that always remind me of summers in Boston.

When the party in front of us left we got to listen to Craig better.  I suggested the place because he was playing there.  He played at the Rasa Lila Yoga Fest last year in Orlando during a flow class and it was the perfect match.  He is a great musician with a great voice and the band played really well also.  Craig can sing anything but my favorite is his more soulful jazz reggae fusion style.  Laid back chill. His version of Purple Rain was really amazing.

This was not taken at Tilted Kilt, but is Craig performing with his guitar and key board.

Anyways, we ate, we drank, we laughed, we swooned over Craig and over all it was great.

Rainy Days

When I woke up I was tired and had a head ache.   Thankfully the guy I was supposed to walk the trails with was not in town so I got out of getting up early.  The rest of the day it has been spitting rain on and off so I did not want to risk carrying my camera around the trail.  It is however, thankfully, cooler out outside.

Stay tuned for Final Good-Byes Part II and the beginning of my Road Trip to Michigan!

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Pay attention to the here in now or you might step into a big pile of dog….

Jack is gone

So, its a bittersweet day.  I am one HUGE step closer to leaving, but that step involved my wonderful, loving, best friend, caring, sweetheart, cuddly dog, Jack, to make his way to Michigan with my parents.  I have to admit, its hard to even type this.  I feel like such a jerk for abandoning my dog, even though I know it is better for him to not be here now.  Heck, it might have been better for him to be there even if I was not leaving. Since this kind of leads into the middle of the story, let me start from the beginning…

Where are you? In Savannah

So my mom was coming and then not coming and then she wasn’t coming but eventually when I told her that she could take Jack she decided she could brave her “nerves” and make the trip to Florida. It is a long drive and they were planning on driving straight through Friday morning to Saturday. Worked out perfectly since Friday night I was going to a Chris Botti concert (review next!) with my friend Kathy.  It also allowed Jack to go over and say good bye to Kathy and her family one last time.

So Friday morning at work I was mostly worried about whether we were going to get there on time if we left at 430 (barely) and if I could get in a nap before I left.  So I get a call at 720.  It is my mom, “So, where are you?.”  I replied cautiously, “Um…I am at work, where are you?”

“In Savannah.  See you soon.”

Soon, like in three hours.  Apparently they left Thursday night to miss those horrible storms that whipped through Indiana and Kentucky.  And thank God they did, they just could have, ya know, called me.  So I call my boss and tell him I have to leave early (at 930) and I already worked over time (which I had hoped to cash in) so my hours were okay.  I worked like crazy to get a job done by the time I left and then ran like a crazy person home to clean, clean, clean.  My house was a mess.  boxes everywhere, dirty floor, dirty dishes, etc.  I cleaned like crazy and a in the few hours I had it was spotless, well almost spotless, just as they pulled in.

They brought two of their four dogs with them to make sure they got along with Jack and because mom does not do well without them any more.  It was an instant hit for my dog.  He just loved their dogs.  Their dogs tolerated him but mostly ignored him.  Abbea would chase the ball and Jack would chase Abbea.  It was funny, Abbea hardly even noticed he was there biting her ankles.

So fast forward to me going to the concert, going to Disney with my parents, packing stuff up for the yard sale, selling furniture on Craigslist, mom getting an emergency tooth extraction, and getting my first pair of real glasses and sun glasses with corrective lenses (love the sunglasses, not the regular glasses) and it was Thursday suddenly.  A whole week flew by.  Friday they were going to leave to Michigan.  I had to give up my precious Jack the very next day.

Final walk

So, instead of  going out to dinner to use my gift card I got for crappy service at a Darden owned restaurant, mom and dad brought home food and cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory so Jack and I could spend the night with each other.  We went for our last walk around Cranes Roost together and then walked with Michelle and her dogs Hercules and H2.  And I admit, I balled.  I cried so hard people probably were wondering what was wrong with me.  As we were walking around Cranes Roost though, I realized I was so busy being upset and missing Jack and being preoccupied with moving that I was not actually spending the last moments I had WITH Jack.  Just being in the moment and walking my dog.  I realized this when I looked up at the sky.  It was a gorgeous sunset towards the west, bright pinks and oranges tinged with gold (much prettier with my new corrective sunglasses I must say).  To the North there were some intimidating black clouds that blew away very fast, leaving the smell of jasmine and orange blossoms in the air.  It was really the perfect Florida night.

If I was caught up in my emotion and attached to my own misery, I was not going to be able to spend this moment with Jack.  I would not have noticed the toddler getting chased by ducks, or the couple walking two massive dogs (not sure of the breed but HUGE) with a third little chihuahua leading the pack, or how in the east the sky was the most beautifully faded colors of blue and pink.  I would not have noticed the couple who wanted to say hi to Jack and who I had a great conversation with.  I also would not have noticed the pile of dog crap in the middle of the sidewalk, that some poor runner ran into.  I also would not have noticed the smile Jack looked up at me with his smiley face and wagging tale, questioning what adventure we were going on next.

My first goodbye

I know he is better off with them.  He was so much happier when they were here.  He was hardly ever alone (and hardly ever will be in Michigan) and when he was he had two friends to play with.  He loves mom and dad and the girls.  He did not chew on anything or pee on the floor.  He is much better off.  And at no point while I was walking around with Jack on our last walk did I think it was the wrong choice.  That did not make it any easier though.  This morning when mom and dad left at 5:30 (and they still have not called me with an update) I was a mess.  I forced Jack to cuddle with me on the couch one last time and took him to the car.  It was horrible, but necessary.

I also know he will be here when I get back, but in the mean time I have to come home and open a door where no happy puppy dog face greets me, shaking his ears and his collar tinkling. No one to cuddle with if I get scared at night.  No one to walk with at 2 in the morning when I cannot sleep.  No one to be there all the time so I never feel lonely.  No one to give me that unconditional love a dog gives.  I know it is all selfish, but I will miss him.  He was my baby.  No, he still IS my baby.  I just need to get over feeling as if I am abandoning him and feeling sorry for myself.

I realized though that I have been looking for something to come home to.  I did not think I had anything.  No boyfriend or kid.  I do not live near my family.  No house.  No job that makes me motivated to get up in the morning.  But, I had Jack all along.  I should have been a better mom to him.  Those, fairly frequent, times where I spent an hour later at work, were they really worth it?  Staying late and then going to yoga? Jack is definitely the number one thing I will miss.

My therapist pretty much told me today to keep on keeping on, in much more eloquent sounding words.  To use my skills I have developed to get this thing done.  Next weekend my lease is up.  So, I did what I do in such a situation, I went to yoga.  Happy Hour yoga at Altamonte Springs Yoga to be precise.  I even donated two bottles of wine (my parents brought four more down with them).  It was just what I needed. Then I chatted with and sold items to yoga friends, the yoga community is so nice to have at times like now.

So I am going to keep on keeping on.  Soon a post about the Chris Botti concert and Disney!  And I will probably take a trip to Epcot Flower and Garden Festival to take pictures.  I also need to find a place to stay after next week, which I am amazing not worried about.  And there are plenty more good byes to make.  But for now, I am going to go to bed.  There is a garage sale to tend to tomorrow; a day to say good bye to so much stuff!