Happy Valentines Day
This is a little belated but I went out and had a great time with my girl friends, we had some drinks and some fun. Stephenie even bought us presents including a Mad Lib we all did together. I left mine at the table so I can’t post my results, sorry.
However, I had a secret Valentine put a carnation on my door and rose petals and red ribbons on my mat. I think it was my neighbor Barbara, she is like my grandma away from home. She will not admit to it though.
I hope you all had a great day too!
While I Stephenie and I were stuffing ourselves with Moe’s Southwest Grill naked burritos pre-drinks, she got to asking me how exactly I chose to go down the travel path I am looking at. I realized I needed to go back a bit further and explain a bit of where I was a year and a half ago.
One and a Half Years Earlier
Around a year and a half years ago my boss (who is no longer my boss) was driving me crazy. Literally I remember calling my parents one day while at work and asking them what the point was. If this is life what is the point. I am not airing out his dirty laundry, but lets say that everything was not necessarily on the up and up when I had to have surgery. He was disliked by many and trusted by even less, which should have made me take it with a grain of salt. But I did not. I am not the type of person who like to make a scene about something that happens once or twice. However, I am also not the type of person that can take abuse on a regular basis. First I tied to take it through the appropriate channels. This is where my naive self learned that HR is always the EMPLOYERS advocate. Then I got angry. Then I gave up, and then angry, and then gave up…you get the picture. I was cycling through constant anger and apathy.
Then grandpa Bob got cancer. When grandpa got sick everything really started to spiral out of control. My mom, who was always the strong never-in-the-passenger-seat always in control type, became the type of person who cannot drive more than a half hour without asking my dad to drive the rest of the way. She just could not keep up control. She bought four dogs (named after NCIS characters (Abby, Zeva, Ducky-McGee, and Leroy Jethro (LJ)).
I did not know what to do. All of my family is in Michigan. My sister was helping out at my grandparents all the time and I felt like the rotten daughter and sister. But I did not want to go back home. I REALLY did not want to go back home. I felt as if I always had to be someone else around them, because they wanted the old Laura to come back into their life, even though she did not exist anymore and had not for years (I left home at 18). So I did not know what to do and decided to get expert advice.
The first question, he asked of course was then who are you? If that is not who you are, who are you? If you are unhappy at your job why are you still there? What do you want to do? And I was completely blank. I could list hobbies I like to do. I could list accomplishments I have achieved. Awards, scholarships, jobs, salary, etc. But Who am I? Wow. Just the thought nearly put me into an panic attack. I have always been kind of a nervous type, but it had been getting worse.
So we started with something more simple. What do I want to do right NOW. I want to take time and explore who I am. Travel, cook, travel, write, sew, travel, write, travel… Okay, so why don’t I do it? JUST DO IT! Well that is where things got heavy. We worked through everything, all my excuses and insecurities. We worked through grandpa’s death, my families reaction, my mom’s downward spiral, and my lack of boundaries.
One Year Ago – Epiphany
Then one day last January I showed up and said. Ok, why don’t I take some time off? Mind you, he had been telling me to do this since day one. He even would fill out an FMLA form for me (to make my time of a protected health problem so work could not fire me). “YESSS!!!! You finally got it!”
I have to say my mom was probably the catalyst. She let so much get to her. Work, grandpa, etc. She is the shell of the woman she used to be. I refuse to let myself get that far. That is why I got help when I did. That is why I go to yoga. And that is why I HAVE to do this trip.
Where I am Now
So my plan started a year ago. It has changed and evolved and is still not very precise. But, that is how I got here. It is why my blog is UpcycledBliss. The only thing in life i have to work with is what I was given at birth, my mind, my body, and my soul. I am on a journey to connect with all three and make them into who I want to be. To bring this into all aspects of my life and to really find my own bliss which I know exists somewhere inside me already. I always loved cooking contests on TV where the chef contestants were given surprise ingredients and had to make do with what they had. Mainly because that is how I cook. I can make amazing dishes out of left overs and what is available. I am good at swapping out what I do not have in my cupboards and using what I have. I want that in the rest of my life. I need to get rid of what everyone is telling me what I should be doing in my life and putting in it what I know I want in my life as I discover what those things are.
If you made it to the end, thank you for reading! It was a long time coming.
Picture of dahlia with bee taken in October in Michigan at my parents house taken by me, Laura. Please do not use my pictures without linking back to me and please do not try to sell my images (I know, they are not that good, but it has happened).