Saying Good-Bye Part II

“This love is always right here with you, just breathe it in”

Today I moved on.  I moved on and I did not even realize I had.  I blame that on driving though a tropical storm.  I had been going through all the motions of telling people good-bye.  Last dinners, last yoga classes, last Bones marathon, last massage…  And I finally realized all of those butterflies that I did not think I was feeling, had built up in my body because I did not see them.  I have been scanning myself to see where my anxiety was related to my upcoming trip.  It is a huge adventure with a lot of risk.  I kept going over everything I knew that will make the trip amazing and safe as a preventative measure.  But today I realized, as I was approaching the Florida/ Georgia  border, that I was nervous about everything I was leaving behind.   Worrying that no one cared, that I would never be able to replace the people in my life, that I was imposing on people, and that I was ending of the sweetest part of life I have experienced ever.   When would I come back?  Would I come back?

I could have prolonged my departure because of the storm.   I had a nice family letting me stay with them in a safe place.  But, I felt that I had to move on and for me the border was some symbolic line I was crossing on my trip.  I had not felt those excited butterflies about my trip because I was saying good-bye, not starting out on my adventure.  I was afraid I would never start.  I knew I would not make it to Savannah with my camera today because of the rain, but I could at least get over the Florida border.

As it turns out though, the one good reason to delay a trip that is always okay is tropical weather.  It was a white knuckle, floating across the road, white wash spray kind of drive.  At one point I was passed on both sides by cars and the spray from those cars made it seem like my entire car was underwater.  When the rain let up for a small amount of time, I looked for a mile marker to see how far I had gone.  I was already 14 miles over the border and I had not even noticed.  I was not worrying about having to say good-bye or to force myself to let go of something, I was moving on.

My detour took me to the most amazing hostel that is in tree houses with community buildings, gardens, kitchen, composting bathrooms, outdoor showers, a glass room for yoga and massage, a lake, a pool, and so much lush green forest you are surrounded by frogs and crickets.   Yet, from the time I set foot in this amazing place, I could feel those people I had been saying good-bye to with me on the journey.  I had spent too much energy trying to find closure on a part of my life in places I did not want to close the doors.  I never realized that, not only do I not need to close those doors, I could never close them if I tried.  For the first time, I am not trying to end part of my life.  I am simply moving on to a different place in the world; moving on to a different place in myself.

(Written June 26, 2012 in my little hut in the forest)

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New Purchases for Trip

I have been getting rid of a lot of stuff and getting a few things here and there for the trip so I can break them in before I go.  My first purchase was a pair of Merrell sandals and my second and third were a couple pair of cargo pants from old navy, which I will probably only bring one with me, I just need pants for work because I ripped my last pair of pants last week.  The one pair is dressy enough to be business casual so I can wear it to work.  The other is not as nice but much more durable feeling.  It is great for walking on the trail with my dog.

However, I bought a pair of pants I really love at Columbia Sportswear Outlet at Premium Outlets Orlando (the ones near Disney World).  They line is called Omni-Shield Blood and Guts and I was actually looking for a shirt, which I also bought.  After Ni and I laughed a bit at this, I had to look up why they are called Blood and Guts.  It does make sense for me to wear something stain resistant and that releases stains easily because I tend to get dirty sitting on a bench twiddling my thumbs.  I am not sure how it happens, but stains find me.  This line is actually a fishing line of clothes, makes sense for cleaning all those fish or messing around with the bait.

I really like these because they are roomier (yes a little baggier not as “cute”) so that when I am trying to lift my leg climbing up steps, or hopefully boulders and rocks in my future, there is enough give that I am not worried about tearing something.  I could have gotten away with a size smaller, but I like them at this size.  Also because it is looser they are much cooler.  It is only in the upper 70s and low 80s here and it is already a nice relief to have breathable pants.  They are also super light weight and plenty long and will pack nicely.  The pants are convertible and have a nice length.  They are not too long and not hot pants short, hard to find in women’s shorts sometimes.  The legs zip on and off easily and there are two normal pockets in the front of the pants that are mesh and one zip pocket on the left leg about mid thigh and one button clasp pocket on the other side.  I really like the position of the pockets because they are not too low and they are a bit lower than normal pockets so they are not pulled as snug when I am squatting down or sitting. I bought the like khaki color.

The shirt is also super light weight, which I was particularly looking for so that when I go to India I have a cool light weight shirt that has long sleeves.  Don’t want to be that trampy girl with the short sleeves.  Also, long sleeves are required at some of the Ashrams I want to stay at.  The sleeves roll up and have a clasp that clasps just above the elbows for a shorter look.  The back has a mesh ventilation panel.  It is dual tone and I bought the orange and grey version which is not on the website in women’s sizes.  If they had the turquoise I would have bought it, but the outlet store only had orange and white in long sleeve.  I was so happy to find this line runs a little bigger because I have a need for wider shoulders and a bigger bust.  However the reviews for the shirt are very unhappy about this because people buying size xs were swimming in it.  Take from that what you want.  My favorite part, out of pure humor, is that there is horizontal zippered pocket right over each breast.  It am not sure what I am supposed to put there, but at least I will know if someone tries to steal anything out of it ;-).

I have only wore then for two days.  I will let you know if my view changes.  If I lose much more weight I might need to get a size smaller on the pants.  I would never fit in a size smaller on the shirt because of my shoulders. The outlet mall is cheaper than I think every link I checked online also.

The only big things left are a pair of hiking shoes, if I buy them now, I might just bring my running shoes and get buy with those until I need a pair of hiking boots and can get more opinions from people, and a pack.

Things I would like but I am waiting on garage sale $s to come back because they are not necessary:

  • Wifi Memory card
  • Tablet or book reader (I am thinking nook tablet with an SD card that can boot full Android though with ICS coming out maybe I should wait)
  • A new computer (I probably will not right now but maybe instead of a tablet or reader especially if I could get one of the ultrabooks).
  • A new unlocked phone (which is getting closer and closer to the necessity list)
  • New DSLR camera.  I still shoot with a point and shoot.  I am not sure I want to travel with tons of stuff for the camera though.I have even thought I might want to get a smaller point and shoot. I saw someone with a nice small point and shoot Olympus that also had detachable lenses the other day though…

Any other thoughts on what I should pack?

–Edit to Fix Link–