Things I will miss most #2

I really enjoy Florida skies…

Florida is really gorgeous when we are not having adverse weather, wild fires, or you are so hot you cannot appreciate it.  I especially like the skies.  I don’t think I have ever seen so many beautiful blue skies, even when it is cloudy (which it always is).  Bright blue with puffy clouds, light blue with wispy clouds, gray-blue with huge intimidating clouds, and any mixture in between.  At sunset there are oranges and pinks and periwinkle.  I often spend time walking my dog just watching the colors of the sky change at dusk.

…and I like to enjoy them in Florida’s parks.

My favorite way of enjoying these blue skies?  There are public parks all over the place.  Rails to trails parks, lakes, springs, nature paths, bike paths, family parks, etc.  We run down the Seminole Wekiva trail and at Cranes Roost (both within walking distance) and go to the Pawmosa Dog Park in Casselberry to meet some more doggy friends. Nothing beats sunset at the beach, but I have to admit I have not been to the beach in years.  I get sunburned easily and I am not a lounging in swimwear kind of girl and, although I used to live near the beach and go often, now I live in the center of the state. That does not mean you cannot enjoy the natural beauties of Florida.  They are all around.

So if you are in Florida, check out the great parks throughout the state or you might be missing something.

Jacksonville “Treaty Oak

This tree is really crazy.  It is huge but not in a tall way.  Huge as in you could fit a house underneath of it and it has a natural canopy to the ground.

Cranes Roost

My dog Jack and I spend a lot of time here.  It has an amphitheater where there are free concerts and a fountain that plays to music in a very prettily landscaped garden area and a one mile loop to walk around.

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Selling My Fantasy Selves

My Picnic in the Park Fantasy - SOLD

I keep having unexpected reactions to selling my things.  It seems that I want to burst out in tears every time I put that over produced TJ max merchandise into a box to sell or when I put a sweater I have not worn in years in a donate pile.  I was not expecting such a reaction.  I keep thinking, wow to get all this stuff back I will have to spend so much money.  Who said I was getting this stuff back.  Me apparently.

Also, I have this dream in my head of being this Martha Stuart homemaker throwing dinner parties and entertaining and having a lot of people over.  Sounds good until you factor in my 400 foot living space.  I love to cook, but do not get to do it often when factoring in cooking new recipes is often expensive for one person and I hardly have time to breathe lately.  I also have a scrapbook set and a sewing set and lots of home decor.  I realized I bought all this stuff because there was this fantasy me who I was catering to.  This fantasy does not live in the real world of all work and no play to pay off for all of this stuff for my fantasy self.

To be fair, I did not realize this myself.  I read it off another persons blog who I was linked from another persons blog.  I cannot remember the original blog I was directed from, but the blog post that taught me about my fantasy self is from Miss Minimalist.  The post was smartly titled Declutter Your Fantasy Self. I realized that is so me.

So as I have been packing away my 28 years of stuff and trying to determine what I should keep or sell or donate, the keep pile has been somehow kept very small.  I am not going to let a fantasy self keep me from living a real fantasy.  If affording to sit around cooking all day means I do it house sitting in some stranger’s house on disposal aluminum pans, I can do it.  Or, maybe it means working at a bakery or restaurant.  Either way, I cannot LIVE my actual fantasy life if I keep feeding the fantasy me.  Or I should say the hundreds of fantasy mes.  I love to do so many things, it is hard to keep track of them.  I like trying everything once and I like to really get into something and then I normally quit it and get into something else.

But, it has been a very emotional roller coaster today.  I cried over an umbrella, and three cutting boards.  Yes, I have three cutting boards.  I also have a problem with getting rid of gifts people have given me.  All that thought into it, which is why I actually have 5 cutting boards, no joke.

I sold my first item today.  An unused wine and cheese picnic basket my mother bought me because I like wine.  Where am I allowed to bring an open bottle of wine?  If someone could tell me maybe I could use it once before selling it.

Either way, I am sitting here giving into one of my day dreams of having a nice wine and cheese picnic in the park next to my apartment complex.  It is warm and sunny and there are kids feeding the cute baby ducks.  My dog is lying next to me on a blanket while a very attractive man is serving me cheese and pouring me another glass of wine.  I mean, it’s almost Valentines Day right, I can give into some day dreaming.  As long as I let go of the bag when its time no harm no foul, right???

First Purchase for Trip…check

I have been putting off a lot of things lately.  There is simply too much to do and not enough time or energy for me to do them.  So instead of choosing what to do I have been mostly taking naps.  I need to pack up stuff, sort stuff, price stuff, donate stuff (I really have way to much stuff).  I need to go to the eye doctor before I leave and get a pair of glasses.  I need to figure out what I need to buy for the trip, apply for visas, write a letter of resignation, etc….

Really, too much heavy things to think about.  But, today I was successful!  I went to see my therapist and discuss my lack of energy and better dealing with disappointments/changes in plans.  I figure those are both things I will need to have worked out before I leave.  So we started with the fact that my energy has been so low and I realized my hormones are off-balance because I am not regular.  So he suggested I go to these herb store, which someone else had suggested the a few days before.  To me, two suggestions in one week means its fate.  So off I went after our session to talk to this nice woman named Cathryn about my menstrual and energy needs.  When I get there I realize its next to my eye doctor!  Two birds one stone sort of moment and I scheduled an appointment to get my eyes checked first.

Now I the herb store was small but packed.  There were a lot of essential oils, supplements, natural cleansers, etc.  I asked Cathryn what I would need and she immediately gets incredibly excited.  She reads me and gets the impression I need something very simple and very natural.  This is her favorite product!  She loves this product (she apparently starts to read my skepticism), but, she gets the impression I am not the type who takes supplements, including vitamins (I don’t).  I explain that I have tried many things and if they work I keep them and if not they are gone. So we come to an agreement that I will try the Maca for one month and she gives me some literature.

I start reading…Maca is a Peruvian root vegetable used for many years by the locals as a means to increase energy and stamina.  Its main uses are for menopause, sexual dysfunction and fertility (well its hormone balancing then? Not looking to be more fertile though).  So, we shall see if it works.  If not, does anyone need to fix erectile dysfunction?  I also bought some non DEET bug repellent and some peppermint essential oil

On my way back home I bought some tags to price stuff for the garage sale and some chocolate (though they did sell some chocolate Maca bars I did not partake).  I got a text from my friend Ni who wanted to go to Happy Hour Yoga at Serenity Now Yoga.  Afterwards we got desert at 4 Rivers (I know, more chocolate!) and then she had to return some shoes.  Since I needed to look at hiking shoes, I went with her to DSW for the pair of Merrell Cambria Straps I have been wanting.  I also looked at the hiking shoes.  I am just worried about not using them enough at the beginning of the trip and having them be a dead weight (a heavy weight) in my pack.  But, they also had the newer Merrell Barefoot True Glove which is a trail running minimalist shoe.  I tried it on and it feels soooo good.  However, it’s not the most supported shoe because the whole idea is putting your foot in the most supporting position and it avoids too much heel padding to keep you from landing on your heel (should always run mid foot).  I am not sure how much they would hold up for just trail shoes though, there are plenty of reviews on them though.  I would like them because then I would not need to have a pair of running shoes and a pair of trail shoes.  They are also very, very light.  Any opinions?  Suggestions of other shoes?

So all in one day I have got the tags to mark my garage sale goods, got some medicine for energy, scheduled the eye appointment, and got my trail sandals. Not bad for a day where I slept in until noon – did I mention I am running on empty lately?

Things Fall Apart and I go to Yoga

Picture by my friend Niyoga

Me in Crow at Rasa Lila Festival Central Florida 2011

So, my mom and dad  were going to come down from Michigan and help me empty my apartment and take a few things back to Michigan.  My mom is having a hard time with things and she reacts with nerves and anxiety.  Meaning every time in the last several years she said she was going to come down to see me, she has not.  And yet again she has canceled on me.  Now, I am used to living alone.  I am also used to dealing with things and mom canceling.  But after Japan did not go through.  It hit me hard.  I was very upset and starting to think I am not doing the right thing.  If those two relatively small setbacks throw me off, how am I going to get by on the fly and on the road.  So what did I do?  I sat and felt sorry for myself and then over came the urge to go to bed early and went to one of my favorite yoga classes (I will say that about a lot of classes, beware!) at Altamonte Springs Yoga, warm and slow with Julie K.M. On my way I just kept thinking “I want to melt this all away!”

I love this class because it always brings to me what I need.  It is like there is some weird connection between me and this class and the intention set for the practices is always what I need.  This class was about things not working out as you plan but using what you do have to your advantage.  My blog theme even.

She has been doing many classes lately without using vinyasas.  Sort of a challenge for her self and a different point of view for us students.  I was so focused in the class.  I can still describe my main drishti points.  Yet I was flexible enough in my practice to back out when I needed, grab a drink of water, or modify as needed.  And even though I was focused everything felt much lighter and easier and less forced.  Well except the crazy balance pose sequence.  It was hot and sweaty and my nose ran (like it does at any good yoga class) and I melted.  My body and brain and soul felt they had melted into exactly where I was supposed to be.  I went home, walked the dog, and then melted back into my bed.  How I am going to miss my bed.